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Each of them, for their own reasons, concluded that the wars they fought in were wrong, and so they marched together today, about four dozen veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, each prepared to return their Global War on Terror medals in symbolic protest. Soldiers like Sgt. Jacob George, who did three tours in Afghanistan.
"I do not feel like the intentions of the overall mission matched my intentions as an individual and most of the people who served," said George. "I am willing to give them back even though it is a very emotional thing for me."
"I was in Iraq in '03 and what I saw there crushed me," said Ash Wilson. "I don't want us to suffer this again, and I don't want our children to suffer this again. So I'm giving these [medals] back."
One by one, 45 veterans spoke of their own anger or pain, and each turned and threw their medals toward McCormick Place. They had asked that the NATO representative formally accept them. That did not happen.
"I'm one of 40,000 people that left the United States Armed Forces because this is a lie," said one veteran.
"I will not continue to trade my humanity for false heroism," said another.
Vincent Emanuele is from a multi-generational military family. Returning his medals, he says, is about sending a message to the world, but is also cathartic.
"For many veterans to deal internally with what it is we have experienced overseas and then to come back and to make amends for ourselves," said Emanuele.
"This medal right here is because I'm sorry - I'm sorry to all of you," said Aaron Hughes. Hughes, who served in Iraq, helped organize what became a moment on an international stage - a moment meant, he says to show disdain toward policymakers and not the men and women still fighting.
"I love all my brothers and sisters that are in Afghanistan still, and I hope they get to come home soon," said Hughes.
And I bet everyone of the 45 or so were the only ones drafted in the last 40 years. You signed up for a reason and when you were called upon to do your job, not duty since you have no idea of the meaning of the word, you fucking cried and said you never signed up for this. You were the type of Soldier, Marine, Airman, Sailor, etc that fucked up a unit and you never were able to make it in the military so you got out. You got out and then fucking cried about it and how horrible it was. But, you are the first ones standing in a line to get "what they owe you" all while speaking out against everyone of us that were there and did what was asked of us. I see your type everyday I am around liberals...
Do me a favor, pin the medal to the only copy of your DD214 and toss that over the fence with a note saying you give up all VA benifits and I may think of you as a person again. Until then you are lower than what I left in the port-a-johns at FOB Warhorse and other locations except, that material was at least good for fertilizer...
As I used to tell my privates, feel free to go and suck start a shotgun since it may listen to your crying...
Another piece of free advise to those that may want to join the military in the future. You may some day be called upon to do your job in combat. Do some soul searching before you take an oath and ask yourself one simple question; Can I go to another country and kill someone that my government says is a threat and an enemy. If you cannot answer that, without any doubt, as a yes then become a politician and try to make a difference, stay out of the military. The military is not a free ride through college or a good looking uniform that will get you laid. It is the greatest fucking machine on earth with two purposes. The first is peace by presence of force, we will fuck you up if you mess with us. The second is to be the most efficient combat machine in the world when the time comes. That time is not for anyone in uniform to decide, you also do not get to quit and go home when that time may come. When you cry about it be prepared for one of us out there to possibly shove that medal up your ass...
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Pull your weight...
As a part timer I get the privilege of working with many different full time people from EMTs, EMT-As, and Medics. I call it a privilege since I get to learn from all, it really helps to round you out as a Medic when you see all the different ways to do everything. There is a downside though.
Enter into the scene the 20 year, 50 something, career EMT that has no plans to go further or do more. The one that hates any type of change and thinks that as a 20 year employee they are the one in charge of the truck and responsible for everything. That one person that feels the young kid can do all the work, all the charts, all the driving unless they are doing patient care. The, I'm down four charts at 4am 21 hours into a shift that has not involved any sleep for me, I'm not taking that BLS patient because they said their pain was a 7/10 after being woke up.
This is after you checked out the truck, while they slept. This is after you did all the station chores, while they slept. This is after you restocked after all runs that you did the patient care and chart on, while they played on the internet or slept. This is after you gave the truck its evening bath, while they watched TV and went to bed. This is Had a partner the other day that gave me yet another first since switching from an EMT to a after a whole day of listening to complaining of how the manager is ruining the service. At least I got three hours of quiet to catch up on charts before the last run they refused to take. Fast forward 6 days and you get to repeat it all over again...Suggest that they pull their weight a little and you get, "I was pulling my weight before you were born sonny."
I wonder how you seasoned medics handle someone like this. I do not like to make waves with people who have been there longer than me, I believe in a little courtesy for seniority, I am a union man in my real life after all. But, enough is enough, and believe me, WWIII happened for the sonny comment; I pulled my weight in the sands of Iraq while this asshole sucked off of his co-workers tit. Do not get me wrong no one owes me shit, I will not be disrespected like that by anyone…
Enter into the scene the 20 year, 50 something, career EMT that has no plans to go further or do more. The one that hates any type of change and thinks that as a 20 year employee they are the one in charge of the truck and responsible for everything. That one person that feels the young kid can do all the work, all the charts, all the driving unless they are doing patient care. The, I'm down four charts at 4am 21 hours into a shift that has not involved any sleep for me, I'm not taking that BLS patient because they said their pain was a 7/10 after being woke up.
This is after you checked out the truck, while they slept. This is after you did all the station chores, while they slept. This is after you restocked after all runs that you did the patient care and chart on, while they played on the internet or slept. This is after you gave the truck its evening bath, while they watched TV and went to bed. This is Had a partner the other day that gave me yet another first since switching from an EMT to a after a whole day of listening to complaining of how the manager is ruining the service. At least I got three hours of quiet to catch up on charts before the last run they refused to take. Fast forward 6 days and you get to repeat it all over again...Suggest that they pull their weight a little and you get, "I was pulling my weight before you were born sonny."
I wonder how you seasoned medics handle someone like this. I do not like to make waves with people who have been there longer than me, I believe in a little courtesy for seniority, I am a union man in my real life after all. But, enough is enough, and believe me, WWIII happened for the sonny comment; I pulled my weight in the sands of Iraq while this asshole sucked off of his co-workers tit. Do not get me wrong no one owes me shit, I will not be disrespected like that by anyone…
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Response to AD on pay...
On the topic of pay, we are at 0% in the industry. I am a Union man so I always feel there is not enough pay. The problem is how do you judge what is right and fair with pay?
I work full-time in an industry that has nothing to do with EMS. I can lay a sewer pipe to grade and repair or install water lines all day long. My experience includes everything from being the laborer to the equipment operator and now spend my working hours inspecting or investigating problems. It is a skilled labor job and I can go make $60k-$70K almost anywhere I want to go. In my area an experienced Paramedic can expect wages in the area of $35K-$60K depending on whether you work for the small county service or larger Fire Based service. Big difference is: I would be paid, at my current salary as a Medic, about $45K a year to work half the days I work now. I think that puts me in the middle. I want more, everyone does and should but, how do you justify that.
A lot of the people I know in EMS and at my full time job say we are paid way to little for "saving lives". Lose the hero complex be honest with yourself and everyone else, when was the last time you actually saved a life? 99% of what we do in EMS is for patient comfort. I may not be a popular person for saying that but, we see very few patients with true life threatening illnesses or injuries and the ones we do benefit far more from rapid transport and BLS care than anything in our ALS toolbox. In my opinion the argument for more pay of "we save lives" works about as well as trying to eat a soup sandwich.
For every experienced Medic that is employed the local Paramedic Factory, read Community College, is turning out 10 green, never stepped foot in an ambulance except for clinicals, Paramedics. These people want a job so bad that they will work for half of what an experienced Medic will work for. The seat of the truck or lazy boy never cools off between employees and that is what is actually driving down the pay right now. We are not the only industry experiencing that problem, Nursing has the same issue locally.
The larger issue with pay is the attitude it causes. Maybe we should ask our patients what we should be paid. Were they treated with respect and did we make them feel better or did their Paramedic or EMT treat them poorly because of they felt it was a waste of time to do this transfer or run. The 25% Mr. Grayson refers to can be like a drink of sour milk. Their attitude leaves a bad taste in the mouth of our patients and managers which reflects on the other 75%. As one of the guys I respect and look up to, Elite Series Bass Fisherman Kevin VanDam, says "It's all about the attitude." You have to change the culture if you want more pay and the culture cannot change until the attitude of entitlement changes. Paramedics and EMTs exist for the patients they have not the paycheck they want.
I work full-time in an industry that has nothing to do with EMS. I can lay a sewer pipe to grade and repair or install water lines all day long. My experience includes everything from being the laborer to the equipment operator and now spend my working hours inspecting or investigating problems. It is a skilled labor job and I can go make $60k-$70K almost anywhere I want to go. In my area an experienced Paramedic can expect wages in the area of $35K-$60K depending on whether you work for the small county service or larger Fire Based service. Big difference is: I would be paid, at my current salary as a Medic, about $45K a year to work half the days I work now. I think that puts me in the middle. I want more, everyone does and should but, how do you justify that.
A lot of the people I know in EMS and at my full time job say we are paid way to little for "saving lives". Lose the hero complex be honest with yourself and everyone else, when was the last time you actually saved a life? 99% of what we do in EMS is for patient comfort. I may not be a popular person for saying that but, we see very few patients with true life threatening illnesses or injuries and the ones we do benefit far more from rapid transport and BLS care than anything in our ALS toolbox. In my opinion the argument for more pay of "we save lives" works about as well as trying to eat a soup sandwich.
For every experienced Medic that is employed the local Paramedic Factory, read Community College, is turning out 10 green, never stepped foot in an ambulance except for clinicals, Paramedics. These people want a job so bad that they will work for half of what an experienced Medic will work for. The seat of the truck or lazy boy never cools off between employees and that is what is actually driving down the pay right now. We are not the only industry experiencing that problem, Nursing has the same issue locally.
The larger issue with pay is the attitude it causes. Maybe we should ask our patients what we should be paid. Were they treated with respect and did we make them feel better or did their Paramedic or EMT treat them poorly because of they felt it was a waste of time to do this transfer or run. The 25% Mr. Grayson refers to can be like a drink of sour milk. Their attitude leaves a bad taste in the mouth of our patients and managers which reflects on the other 75%. As one of the guys I respect and look up to, Elite Series Bass Fisherman Kevin VanDam, says "It's all about the attitude." You have to change the culture if you want more pay and the culture cannot change until the attitude of entitlement changes. Paramedics and EMTs exist for the patients they have not the paycheck they want.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Favorite day of the year...
For those of you that live up north here you can understand. Tomorrow officially starts my marathon run of Bass Fishing Tournaments. I have fished a couple this year, earlier than I ever have but, tomorrow morning at 0430 I leave for the first club tourny and I have a tournament planned for every weekend until the last week of October. So, to my wife, I'll see you again in October for a couple of weeks between fishing and deer season. To my employer, now you know why I saved those sick days...
I love this time of the year and as the King of Bass Fishing, Kevin VanDam, says "It's all about the attitude."
I love this time of the year and as the King of Bass Fishing, Kevin VanDam, says "It's all about the attitude."
Healing begins...
I remember the day vividly. Heat, dust, that smell in the air, the taste of the fucking place. I was in the middle of the Sunni Triangle and had just finished another mass casualty incident, not the drill type. A suicide bomber had blown up a DFAC near Mosul and it was the breaking point for me. That was the day my ability to have compassion died. That was the day empathy left me. That was the day that I told God to go fuck himself. That day I became a robot...No emotion on the outside, empty being on the inside. If I lost one more patient I was going to die myself. I turned from compassion and empathy to hate and rage in order to survive. I had reached the point of emotionally losing it so I forgot how to care and started treating slabs of meat, not Brothers and Sisters that shared the uniform with me.
I shared this with a counselor at the VA a few weeks after my blow up at work. It was the day my emotional self began to heal. I had forgotten how to feel emotions and be a human being. By looking at and talking about the breaking point I had experienced it allowed me to begin to tear down the wall I had put up inside. I cried. I sobbed. I cried some more. I am sure the Counselor contemplated committing me that day. I took the cap off of the bottle and began letting out years of emotions in a healthy and controlled environment.
I eventually had to go through two years of therapy to get where I am today. I am still not the same person I was before but, I have a good understanding of what it takes to stay sane and emotionally stable to be an effective clinician. I still have the bad days, days that will be forever engrained in memory. I still have dreams and nightmares, they are like that horrible 50 Cent song set on repeat on the CD player, and there is no escape from them.
We all have had that one scene or one call that stung deep and threatened to unravel us. That is OK and normal. It is what we do with that experience that will determine who we are as clinicians and how effective we are at treating our patients. Everyone is different and there is no one fix to emotional scares. There is however a fix for each of us that will allow us to cope. Take it from a badass Soldier, talk to someone, see a professional, or whatever is needed. We are all human and it is not a sign of weakness to say you need help.
I shared this with a counselor at the VA a few weeks after my blow up at work. It was the day my emotional self began to heal. I had forgotten how to feel emotions and be a human being. By looking at and talking about the breaking point I had experienced it allowed me to begin to tear down the wall I had put up inside. I cried. I sobbed. I cried some more. I am sure the Counselor contemplated committing me that day. I took the cap off of the bottle and began letting out years of emotions in a healthy and controlled environment.
I eventually had to go through two years of therapy to get where I am today. I am still not the same person I was before but, I have a good understanding of what it takes to stay sane and emotionally stable to be an effective clinician. I still have the bad days, days that will be forever engrained in memory. I still have dreams and nightmares, they are like that horrible 50 Cent song set on repeat on the CD player, and there is no escape from them.
We all have had that one scene or one call that stung deep and threatened to unravel us. That is OK and normal. It is what we do with that experience that will determine who we are as clinicians and how effective we are at treating our patients. Everyone is different and there is no one fix to emotional scares. There is however a fix for each of us that will allow us to cope. Take it from a badass Soldier, talk to someone, see a professional, or whatever is needed. We are all human and it is not a sign of weakness to say you need help.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Emotion Part 1 - My Story
I have often wondered what emotions other Medics feel. I also often wonder what emotions other Emergency Professionals feel are appropriate to have on scene and after. How does everyone deal with it, and not the textbook answers...First my story.
One hindrance of being a Military Medic in a combat zone is the inability to process and deal with emotions. God knows I bottled up over a years worth of seeing brothers and sisters in uniform fucked up on a daily basis. Seeing the innocents of war, children, torn to pieces both physically and emotionally. The emotions must be bottled up because you have to be the rock, that one person that can work in added pressure of trying to save a life on top of trying to staying alive. Any weakness you show can have a huge blow to the confidence your patient has in you. It can also make you combat ineffective since it can be a distraction.
Sure I had a couple of moments; watching a First Seargent and a Seargent Major shed tears over the loss of a soldier in front of the medical personnel. The two NCOs in a unit that are supposed to be the emotionless baddasses that do nothing but kick ass and get the mission done. Watching a mother read a letter that her son sent home the day he died, read on Mothers Day, one week after he was your patient and despite everything you did he died. Those two incidents offered me a few minutes out of over a year to lose control of that emotionless facade and break down in private. Maybe five minutes each time. In retrospect I managed to stuff a career of emotions into 14 months and allowed myself to shed some tears for maybe 10 minutes. Also, in retrospect it was not a good plan.
Fast forward 2 years, back home and back to the job I left, barely holding it together. I had gotten divorced because my ex-wife did not know me anymore, I was close to the unemployment line, and pissed off at anyone that did not serve their country. Seamed like all I wanted to do was beat someone, I could not sleep, I could not allow myself to have emotions, or release what was bottled up. I was scared that if I allowed any of the emotions to come out they would all come out, anger and rage included. I was scared of myself and the monster I had bottled up inside.
It all came to a head on a job site when the cap was loosened on the bottle and a little pressure was vented. I made some decisions out of rage and the resulting actions could have seriously injured someone. A coworker was trying to push me over that edge and almost succeeded, I ended up having a choice of getting professional help or collecting unemployment. I was fortunate that my employer was very Veteran friendly, they pushed me to do what I was too proud to do on my own: Talk to someone...
Part 2 -The Process of healing begins.
One hindrance of being a Military Medic in a combat zone is the inability to process and deal with emotions. God knows I bottled up over a years worth of seeing brothers and sisters in uniform fucked up on a daily basis. Seeing the innocents of war, children, torn to pieces both physically and emotionally. The emotions must be bottled up because you have to be the rock, that one person that can work in added pressure of trying to save a life on top of trying to staying alive. Any weakness you show can have a huge blow to the confidence your patient has in you. It can also make you combat ineffective since it can be a distraction.
Sure I had a couple of moments; watching a First Seargent and a Seargent Major shed tears over the loss of a soldier in front of the medical personnel. The two NCOs in a unit that are supposed to be the emotionless baddasses that do nothing but kick ass and get the mission done. Watching a mother read a letter that her son sent home the day he died, read on Mothers Day, one week after he was your patient and despite everything you did he died. Those two incidents offered me a few minutes out of over a year to lose control of that emotionless facade and break down in private. Maybe five minutes each time. In retrospect I managed to stuff a career of emotions into 14 months and allowed myself to shed some tears for maybe 10 minutes. Also, in retrospect it was not a good plan.
Fast forward 2 years, back home and back to the job I left, barely holding it together. I had gotten divorced because my ex-wife did not know me anymore, I was close to the unemployment line, and pissed off at anyone that did not serve their country. Seamed like all I wanted to do was beat someone, I could not sleep, I could not allow myself to have emotions, or release what was bottled up. I was scared that if I allowed any of the emotions to come out they would all come out, anger and rage included. I was scared of myself and the monster I had bottled up inside.
It all came to a head on a job site when the cap was loosened on the bottle and a little pressure was vented. I made some decisions out of rage and the resulting actions could have seriously injured someone. A coworker was trying to push me over that edge and almost succeeded, I ended up having a choice of getting professional help or collecting unemployment. I was fortunate that my employer was very Veteran friendly, they pushed me to do what I was too proud to do on my own: Talk to someone...
Part 2 -The Process of healing begins.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
My night so far...
Patient tells me they did not do any drugs...
Found K2 packaging all over the house, the house he completely destroyed. That was prior to going outside in a pair of boxers and tearing shit up. But, no drugs...Oh yeah, they tore up the ER after the Versed I gave them wore off...but, they did no drugs...
Next patient calls because they cannot sleep...
30+ ambulance runs on them in 2 months on top of an unknown number of other trips to the ER not by ambulance...
Some days I wonder why we do it...Maybe I'll get a legitimate patient I can feel some compassion for before the morning, just maybe...
Found K2 packaging all over the house, the house he completely destroyed. That was prior to going outside in a pair of boxers and tearing shit up. But, no drugs...Oh yeah, they tore up the ER after the Versed I gave them wore off...but, they did no drugs...
Next patient calls because they cannot sleep...
30+ ambulance runs on them in 2 months on top of an unknown number of other trips to the ER not by ambulance...
Some days I wonder why we do it...Maybe I'll get a legitimate patient I can feel some compassion for before the morning, just maybe...
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